My Days

I haven't been on blog in forever, and thought I would redesign it tonight and figured I would make a post while I am at it. Since the school year started I feel like I am in a whirlwind everyday, We were always a busy family before, but with Daniel in high school, Natilie in middle school and Justin and Wade in the developmental preschool program you can pretty much find Delaney and I in my van...Not that I am complaining, but it sure has been an adjustment when its just me to do most things around here because Josh is either gone at work (lately he has had to work extra hours) meetings, young men's and scouts, and the little bit he is home, I am running with other kids. This year Daniel started out the year doing marching band, cross country and wrestling conditioning (were overlapping) and oh yes seminary (I get up at 5:15am and leave around 5:30am, its an early start to the day!)! Natilie was in cross country, and then for those of you who know our family well and our medical history, we have numerous doctors appts every month. I get up and take Daniel to seminary, come home and get everyone else out the door for school, drop boys off and we either have appts during that time or I run to get errands done or attempt play group once in a great while. Pick up boys, usually have more appts go home eat lunch, put Delaney down for a nap, go through my house like crazy cleaning, laundry figuring out dinner, than have to pick Natilie up from school (or go to her c.cmeets with little ones in tow) then pick up Daniel a little later with his sporting stuff (but on Tues he has marching band until 8:30pm)...and then the usual FHE's, young men and young women's on Wed. night, then C.C meets, wrestling matches, football games every Friday for Daniel for band and band competitions, then for Josh and I to fulfill our callings at church, do visiting teaching, try to serve others (I have a few friends I have been helping out a lot becuse they are really going through a tough time) Making sure my dad is taken care of with groceries etc since his health is so bad and just gets worse each year,  I also still have remodleing projects around the house to do I am trying to do (most of them at night while kids are in bed, my next one is putting in some type of wood flooring in our living room, I repainted there recently for about the 5th time and found a color I just love!) and I have a few pieces of furniture I am refinishing, and then for me to take care of the home...all of this makes for a crazy schedule (Now I am kinda looking forward to Daniel being able to drive :)! Daniel is done with C.C (yay!)...now its still wrestling conditioning for 3-4 days a week, then in Nov. the season starts so it will be hardcore everyday  (and I LOVE LOVE LOVE wrestling, I can't wait and I try to miss as few of the matches as possible even with the little ones with me) once wrestling season is over, baseball season will be starting up so there will be no break and Natilie will be starting Track and Field...Justin and Wade both continue to improve, Justin gets speech, OT and PT therapies and school and Wade gets a lot of speech therapy plus just being in a classroom is therapy for him working on trying to get him to interact with other kids and work on eye contact, it was a hard transition at first for Wade but I am happy to say he has adjusted and its great for the boys that they are in the same class. Justin has started his doctors visits to the Cleveland Clinic which is an absolutely amazing place with amazing doctors, the first appt went well (and long, when we have to go up there it pretty much takes up our whole day) there are certain syndromes that the doctor is going to be testing Justin for so that is the next step. Delaney continues to amaze us everyday with how fast she catches on to learning and talks in sentences nonstop, its nice to be able to see the actual work we have been doing with her paying off, she is our miss sassy pants!.It does get very exhausting for me (especially with my own health problems  to deal with and lack of sleep) and I sometimes get a little sad that I don't ever have time to "just sit" and read, or bake something fun, or make a cute craft or sew, these are all things that I used to love..but its not in the cards right now with the demands of my family, but I must say that I LOVE watching all of my kids grow and excel in their hobbies, sports and in life. I have a wide age range with my kids and its been fun to see each of them evolving eery year, they really are growing so fast and I know one day when I have all kinds of time to be miss Suzie homemaker I will look back and miss these crazy wonderful days with my children. There has been lots to go on since the last time I got on here, and we have some family pictures that were taken and Halloween is tomorrow so I will try to post pictures soon, I am SO excited for our ward Halloween party and so is Justin and Delaney, this is the first year that Justin actually understands what Halloween is so its extra special in our house this year :)
Ps-I tried to change my background of my blog and when I open it up it acts a little weird, will someone leave me a brief comment and let me know if you could view this ok, thanks!

FINALLY ONE DIAGNOSIS DOWN

MEDICAL UPDATE: I have gone through some kind of medical testing for the last 4 years with one problem or another, My biggest problems being my periods (which I have had problems since I was almost 10) have progressively gotten worse through the years, I have been on about 30 different  hormone pills that have failed, numerous surgeries and have miscarried every other pregnancy. Last Dec. they did a a Lapro and  a Cystoscopy checking out my abdominal area, mainly my outside of the uterus and ovaries etc....they didn't see anything but a few cysts (which I have always had) and some scarring (from past surgeries) well since then, I have just toughened up and dealt with my problems and thought maybe I was being a little crazy. Well as the months go on my symptoms are still getting worse and worse so I decided to start documenting and even taking pictures (I know that is gross but when I try to explain what I am going through, it sounds unreal to most people and they just think it can't really be that bad, well guess what, it really is) I bleed about 3 weeks out of the month, and its very much abnormal, with clots, tissue and massive amounts of blood. I took all my info again back into the Dr's a few weeks ago, and as soon as she saw the pictures, she said it is absolutely not normal, they did blood work and scheduled an internal ultra sound with saline this past week and then I met with the doctor afterwards. She said my blood count is very very low (and that if we let things go, it will get dangerously low, which obviously we know why this is) she went over the pictures with me, which in the ultra sound there are black spots shown throughout the uterus, and my uterus is soft  and along with my symptoms I have ADENOMYSOIS: which is similar to endometriosis, but its on the inside, the lining of my uterus has grown into the muscle fibers of my uterine wall, so each month when I shed that lining with a period all of the spots (which were a lot on the ultra sound) that are throughout my muscle wall are shedding and bleeding (in between the muscle fibers) which is causing the massive amount of stuff to come out of me and severe pain and swelling. I guess with this, she said that hormone pills don't really help it, there is one medicine that is a series of injections that I could take but it will throw me into menopause and its only shown to help in some cases and this problem is just going to get worse if we let it go. With this condition a hysterectomy is the most common way to fix it. She asked if we were done having kids and I told her we felt like there was one more (which I am nervous because this one would be the miscarriage if I keep the past pattern) but I still feel strongly this is what we are supposed to try and do. If we happen to be blessed to get pregnant and have our last baby, than 6 weeks after delivering I will have a hysterectomy done. The Dr. thought this was a good plan, but she suggested getting pregnant sooner, so that my periods would stop and hopefully help my blood counts. This all was a lot of information to deal with and I was a bit emotional all week, and I of course came home and researched everything and everything I read just confirmed what the doctor said. Don't get me wrong, I have many blessings to be thankful for, especially with all of my problems I have had, I did get 5 beautiful children out of it and although we would not get pregnant again after the 6th, there is just something sad to me about my major female organ being gone, but I know in the end it will bring me much relief to my body physically and I can start to feel better without these problems over-ruling my life. They will only remove my uterus and leave my ovaries so she assured me the only thing that will change is that I wont have any more pain and severe prolonged bleeding, so after Josh and I talked about it, this is the plan. After we run the marathon we will try for our last baby (and pray that it wont be another miscarriage) and take things one day at a time until surgery. I truly am so grateful for my life experiences and the lessons I have learned along the way, even with the biggest trials, much sadness and great losses, we still have SO much to be thankful for, if we just take the time to recognize them and I am definitely counting my blessings!! (even though when the time comes for surgery, I will still be a little bit of an emotional wreck :)

TRAIN AND TOY MUSEUM, LIBRARY AND PICNIC WITH FRIENDS

We decided to one day go to the Train and Toy museum in Medina with some new friends of ours the Strombergs, its been nice to have some other boys for Justin and Wade to play with, Justin and Rykker are the same age and Wade and Brigham are almost the same age, but Delaney plays well with Brigs too, Mindy and I are already arranging their wedding ;) We loved the look of downtown Medina and this was a neat building on the square.

The boys in front of the military shop

They all loved the gigantic train set

Cute Delaney isn't a baby anymore

Justin and Wade want a train set like this for our house

Wade and Ryyker checkin it out

Two cheezer boys

So much fun playing in the toy room

they had some of the neatest old toys to look at

Natilie LOVED the doll room and wanted all of them for her room lol

After the museum we walked over to the library which was way awesome, they have a big play area for the kids and this really cool bee glass that had a pipe that went through the wall to the outside. the kids were fascinated by it.

Wade loved looking through the magnify glass at the bees, he loves any kid of animal, creature or bug

Justin loves stories and books, he had fun sitting in the big chair reading.

After the library we went to the center of town to eat a picnic lunch when a storm blew in and the tornado sirens went off, it was crazy, wind was blowing bad and Natilie was starting to have a panic attack. we decided to high tail it out of there and go to the Burger King play land instead, we found out there indeed was a tornado warning for the area we were in. Its never a dull moment around here, we have had storms just about every time we get together with the Strombergs, The adventure just follows us everywhere lol....

CATCH UP DELANEY TURNS 2

 Our little miss sunshine Delaney Rose turned 2 on June 8th. We had a really busy day that day with a house showing, strawberry picking, make her cake, a Dr's appt and then in the eve. we took her to Chickfila to play. I can't believe she is already 2, she talks up a storm and has great understanding of everything. There is never a quiet moment with her around, whether its in the car, house, outside, nap and bedtime, or in church or places where you are supposed to be quiet, she is ALWAYS   talking, I swear she has to hear her own voice constantly, it reminds me of the stories that I hear from my parents of how I was when I was little, I was the girl always in trouble at school for talking and being too social :) Delaney can count to 20, sing most of her ABC's, she loves to play with her brothers and often times is way too rough but again, she gets it honestly, she tends to barrel her way through anyone and everyone because she is used to her brothers at home. She loves to growl at people and put her hands in the air and stomp her feet towards them growling like she is a dinosaur. She is a VERY needy girl and has to have constant attention, but I must admit I LOVE all of the kisses, hugs and snuggles with her. She just has the cutest personality and definitely knows how to work it, when she has done something wrong or hurt someone, she will start over and over saying "I love you, I love you" but she doesn't stop until you look at her and say I love you back to her. We are currently working on introducing to her to potty training and she is catching on fairly quick. This girl has to have so many baths, she loves to look pretty have have pretty's in her hair (thats what she calls it) but I have never had a kid to just find a way to be totally dirty within an hour of being clean, we go through LOTS of dirty clothes with her :)

 This girl loves to eat and can pack it away! Last week at her 2 year check up she is 37 pounds and off the chart for her height, I think she is going to be tall like her daddy....

 I made quick cupcake cones for her birthday and the kids LOVED them

 She loves anything from dolls, to cars, to swords, rocks or pretty things, she is a well rounded little girl :)

 The kids had so much fun picking strawberries on her birthday, there were hardly any left and the ones that were left were super tiny, but the kids had fun just the same, I love her cheeser smile

 We are so thankful that the lord sent Delaney to our family, she is so much fun to be around and is so good for Justin and Wade, I just love to watch those 3 play and interact, nothing like being a kid! and Natilie loves having a little sister finally, it is so cute to watch them paint nails, put make up on and play dress up already!  We love you baby girl!!!

CATCH UP DANIELS 14TH BIRTHDAY/8TH GRADE GRADUATION

Its really hard for me to believe that Daniel is already 14 and is going to be starting HIGH SCHOOL in 2 months. It still seems like yesterday that he was Justin's age, and I look back of where the years went, and they really have flown by! Daniel had a huge party last year with 19 boys and it was an airsof twar camp out (which was a TON of work for me) this year he just wanted his church buddies and he still had so much fun! They just did a bonfire, jumped on the trampoline and played football in the back of our property. this last year Daniel stayed super busy with band, church-Deacons quorum president, scouts, cross country, baseball, wrestling, air soft and find time for some video games and whatever else he decides to take on, I guess he doesn't like to sit still for too long like his mama. He is such a responsible kid and a great help around the house, he is super crazy about everything being in order and in  place, he can tell if you have been in his clean room and a pillow is moved an inch out of place LOL..lets hope he stays like that through the teenage years :) he is so good at being a friend to everyone and reaching out to those who don't have a lot of friends. We are so proud of him!

Airsoft time!!

My big boy (above) and Pa's buddy (below)

Daniels 8th grade graduation was very hard, I had all 3 little ones with me by myself and they were in rare forms that day. It was super hot in the gym and it was crammed pack with people. I tried to get some pictures but was unable to get a ton because I was out in the hall and doorway with the fussy kids, but at least I was there and Daniel knew I tried. We are so blessed to have Daniel as part of our family, and we are excited to see what his future holds for him and TOTALLY scared about the transition to high school, I am just not ready for that and not ready to be that old :) We love you Danielson!!!

CATCH UP NATILIES 12TH BIRTHDAY

 Natilies birthday was April 28th and she is 12 going on 22...She had a party with a bunch of friends, but it rained (it was going to be an outside party with bonfire) but thank goodness, the rain eventually stopped. Natilie has always been our firecracker (and it appears Delaney is following in her footsteps, Josh says like mother like daughters (minus the drama part, I was never like that) so I guess they get it honestly with their stubbornness and feisty tempers, and when I was younger I always said I just wanted all boys (because I never wanted to deal with the drama) but I really am blessed to have Natilie and Delaney as daughters. Natilie is one of the most giving and thoughtful little girls, she is always wanting to spend her own money on someone else, she just loves to give people anything and she is SO good at playing with her little brothers and sisters (and protecting them!). We were also really proud of her this last school year, school has always been a struggle and she had great report cards all year long, she has worked so hard and it was fun to see her progress so much this last year and build her self confidence. She did really well in band this year too, her instructer loved having her play the flute which she is really good at. She is my artsy girl! She was going to play softball again but decided to go with Dance instead, there are a few pics below.

 Eating dinner

 Opening presents

 Cake time!

 We had some fun games to do, every ones favorite was how many big marshmallows they could fit in their mouths, Natilie was kinda cheating here, she was just getting them to stick to each other on the outside of her mouth as well

 My good friend Cheryl came over to help me deal with all of the girls and of course they wanted us to join in on the fun, I warned Cheryl before we started I have a big mouth, in the end I won and she said "boy you do have a big mouth" lol.....

 Natilie has always wanted to do dance for a long time, and thanks to our friends, we made an arrangement if I got the girls to class, then they would pay for natilie to go. They were a part of a Hip Hop class, which she absolutely LOVED, she is such a good little dancer, this picture was after their recital with her best friend. They did a hip hop dance to the song American Boy, the girls did fabulous, I have always loved to dance to growing up and even when Josh and I dated, but after having the last 3 kids and feeling like I was pregnant forever its been awhile, and watching Natilie dance again reminded me of how much I used to love to dance! :)

Pa's pricess

 She is the queen at making silly faces

We are so thankful to have our sweet, sassy, silly, energetic Natilie part of our family, we love you girl!!

GLIMMER OF GOOD NEWS :)

Its kind of interesting how the lord works. Yesterday morning I posted about the trials we have been having (I know that seems to be the story of our life and your probably sick of reading about it) but I needed to write it all out for our family history and to sort it out in my head myself and recognize the blessings and lessons I was learning from it all. Then when Josh got home from work he said he got a phone call for an Interview for one of the MANY jobs he has applied for, this one was a job he sent his resume in about a week ago, and 2 days ago they called him to do an initial over the phone interview by the recruiter who would then forward on the information and what he thought, I thought that was a good sign to get a call back for a interview in person so quick! He has so much education and qualifications its been such a kick in the pants for the last year and a half of sending out resumes and never even getting an interview. If we were able to move it would be so much easier to find a job, but because of the situation with my exhusband and two older kids we are tied to this area for awhile and I have to believe that is what the lord wants for our family right now and that we will be blessed for those sacrifices to make sure our entire family stays together! So we are really really excited right now and could use any and all prayers our way :)

LIFE

Pull up a chair, this is lengthy as I am spilling my guts for the last few months, I have had zero time to be on Blogger at all and I have probably 200 pictures that I need to post with holidays and birthdays but that is going to be my goal for July to catch up on here when things slow down a little. Our family has been tested and tried with MANY things, thats life and everyone has to go through it but lately it has put me in survival mode as I have had to cut out almost everything socially to just focus on my family and the things going on. I have felt disconnected, sad, depressed, alone, exhausted, frustrated and irritated to no other. I have done so much praying, studying, fasting and pleading with the lord for just a break or at least some peace and comfort. My life has been extremely difficult since I was a child, an abusive childhood with my mother, a horrible past marriage, divorce, being a single mom of two kids going to college full time and working, always struggling financially, losing 4 pregnancies and having complications with the other 5, going back to college while working par time and being pregnant with a new husband in law school, going to college with a newborn and being pregnant with another baby with a husband in law school, numerous surgeries, health problems, a year of testing on Wade, 4 years of testing and doctors on Justin, now we at least know with Wade he has Autism but Justin is now being referred to the Cleveland Clinic with hopes to get answers there, very little sleep because of Wades sleeping problems since he was born. Daniel and Natilie being involved in everything which is great, it just makes for a lot of running around especially with dragging 3 little ones everywhere, struggling now with Josh trying to find a better job so we can just make ends meet and have better medical which has been so discouraging when he has an engineering degree a law degree passed the Ohio bar exam and Patent Bar exam and the NCEES professional engineering exam, a vehicle biting the dust and with the needs of our children we cannot make it with one vehicle, lawn tractor breaking down, numerous projects on the house I have had to somehow fix myself and keeping it perfectly clean every week for our numerous showings we have had to try and sell is a nightmare and some other challenges that I won't mention, the list goes on but I will stop there. I know a lot of you don't care about any of this, but I haven't blogged in awhile and since this is supposed to be our family history I felt the need to write all of this out for the history but also as my own little pep talk for myself lol. Some of these things that have happened in my life have scarred me forever, there are other things it has taken lots of counseling sessions to get over, and the rest I have left in the lords hands and have seen the power of the atonement as I have had to learn to forgive even those who have hurt me so greatly and have had to ask for forgiveness myself. I know that through all of the turmoil in life, there is still a purpose for everything we are dealt with. Some are tested more than others but it doesn't make those trials any more important, and I know there are people out there who can relate to some of the things I have gone through and more and I am thankful for their examples of how to endure. We all struggle in life, that's the purpose for this life on Earth, to be tested, to learn, to grow and to sacrifice. I have shed many tears throughout my life and especially these last few months, but I know that no matter what pain and sadness I am feeling right now, my Saviour has felt SO much more, more than we will ever be able to comprehend. I know that even after thinking about all of the crap that has gone on in my life that I am still SO wonderfully blessed and have SO much to be thankful for and I know that regardless of how bad it seems it can always be worse!  Last week was a very difficult week and my Sister in Law Cindy read this blog post and sent it to me at the exact moment that I needed to read it, I copied and pasted it below, take the time to read it, if you are curious what it may be like for a parent of a special needs child (no matter what the need may be), this blog post hits it right on the nail with everything I feel. I know that Heavenly Father gave me this life for a reason, I know he felt I was strong enough to handle it and even in those moments of weakness that I feel at times, I know that he is there and that he can help carry me through from drawing on his power. I love the lord, I love this beautiful plan he has made for us and I love my family so much and LOVE being a mother even with its challenges, it is the greatest calling on earth!

 

dear you

Filed under: Uncategorized — by jess @ 5:36 am 
Tags: a note to special needs parents, alysia, autism, dear you,extreme parenthood, oxygen mask project, spd blogger network, special needs parenting, sunday, try defying gravity

Yeah, you

~

Dear Friends With Special Needs Kids,
I have something to tell you. And I’m thinking that you don’t hear it enough. So come closer and pay attention, OK? This is important.
YOU ROCK.
Yes, you.
Why are you still looking at everybody else in the room?
I’m talking to YOU.
And no, I don’t mean that you deserve a medal just for parenting your kid. That’s what parents do. We parent. Our kids. So yay, for you cause you stuck around? Hell no.
And I don’t mean to imply that I’m offering sympathy because your path is different – and likely more difficult – than most. It is what it is. And I’m not much for sympathy.
What I do mean is that you rock because of the WAY that you parent your kid. And the WAY that you choose to walk this path.
You rock because you involuntarily calculate the thousand different variables in every situation and adjust for them on the fly. Because you are alert for the danger, the triggers, the anything, the everything that might turn everything on a dime. Twenty, thirty, hundreds of times a day. Navy Seals have nothing on you, kid.
You rock because you spend so damn much time preparing for what look to the world like tiny, insignificant moments. Because you know that there are no such things as tiny, insignificant moments.
You rock because you show your child patience even when you feel nothing of the sort.
You rock because you create a hard shell for the world, but remain tender for your child.
You rock because you have learned another language. Or two. Heck, you even speak Abbreviate – ASD, IEP, DSM, ADHD, ABA, BCBA, BT, RDI, GFCF, ADOS. See?
You rock because you SEE miracles in your child’s smallest victories. Because you celebrate simple successes. Because you know how hard they are won.
You rock because you look out for each other. Because you treat every child as if he were your own. Because you know that it really does take a village to raise a child.
You rock because you appreciate the people who make up that village. Because you see God’s angels along your path – and recognize them for who they are. And tell them how much they matter.
You rock because you don’t ever stop pushing and encouraging and expecting and demanding and believing and celebrating.
You rock because you know how important it is to take time for YOU.
You rock because you refuse to let anyone define your child by his challenges. Because you know there is so much more to who he is than a label.
You rock because you’re not afraid of the label. Because you know that as hard as it may have been to hear, it will be the key to a community for your child.
You rock because you are a different kind of parent. Because your know that just because your child doesn’t have words, that sure as hell doesn’t mean she’s not communicating.
You rock because you do everything you possibly can to figure out what it is that she’s saying.
You rock because when a doctor says, “It’s never been done before,” you hear, “Good, it’s possible.”
You rock because when you get angry, you use the anger to propel you forward. To make waves. To create change. To make life better for your child.
You rock because you refuse to accept complacency – from anyone.
You rock because you talk. Because you change hearts and minds and laws.
You rock because you’re not afraid to think big – really big when it comes to your kids. If programs don’t exist, you will create them. If the system doesn’t work, you will change it.
You rock because you never forget to think small. If people around you don’t understand, you talk to them. Teach them.
You rock because you raise your so-called typical children to know that typical is an illusion and compassion is everything.
You rock because you know that EVERYONE has something to contribute in their own way. And because you know it’s worth everything we have to ensure they can.
You rock because you respect one another – even when you disagree.
You rock because you seek the advice of those who have come closest to sharing your child’s path. Because you never, ever drown their voices out of the conversation. Because you know how vital their perspective is. Because you know that this IS a conversation.
You rock because you give your child the space to fail – giving them the ability to succeed.
You rock because you function on ludicrously little sleep.
You rock because even when you wake up convinced that you can’t, you do.
Dear Friends With Special Needs Kids,
I have something to tell you. And I’m thinking that you don’t hear it enough. So come closer and pay attention, OK? This is important.
YOU ROCK.
Love,
Jess